Live being awake or Die being a dreamer?

Have you ever felt like you're living a dream or are still stuck in a nightmare?

Sometimes at the middle of the night when I'm falling sleep but I'm still awake I wonder about almost E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G that really matters in LIFE.

Most of the time I can't sleep early even though I constantly try a few times. 

I think it is because I've too many things in mind. The luggage of the past that I carry with me every morning I wake up, the moments of the present when I look myself in front of the mirror and remember me that I am still ALIVE and the time when the bubbles of doubts and hopes of tomorrow cross my mind.

I haven't figure it out all my life yet, I have plans and dreams like anyone else on earth but I still don't know what is going happen. I work hard every day to focus in the things that really matters N-O-W. Letting go the things that are useless to think about. Like old mistakes done, bad decisions taken, broken bones and hearts, all the causes and consequences of failed human relationships in general.

It is in the accurate moment when I found myself hugging my pillow after saying God's prayer that I still feel insecure about my dark sides. Everyone has a monster inside, all the bad stuff people and you don't like about yourself. That little things that always matter. Could I change it? Could I turned to someone better?  

There's a phrase that I love and someday I wanna have it like a tattoo in my back , it says:  "LET your Past make you BETTER, not bitter."

 I wanna live a normal life like everyone else does but sometimes I feel like I just don't fit in any kind of expectations. What the society expects of me, what my family hopes for me, what my friends wonder about me, what my coworkers want about me, what the others say about me. Even though what I think about me. I don't have the right answers for all their expectations of who they want me to be and the only one that makes sense to me: -"WHO I wanna be."

I wanna be someone to be remembered like the person I meant to be but the THING is I haven't met that person yet. I think I'll know her sooner or later. I'm still driving me crazy until I found her. ALL her dreams that I wanna turned to reality to make her really happy, she really deserves it like the rest. 

She wants to travel around going to unknown new places, she wants to learn how to swim and drive a car, she wants to publish a book, she wants to be more social and meet different kind of new people, she wants to finally speak french to someone who gets it, she wants to keep true friendships until the end of her time and finally someday she wants... YOU and you to want her back. She wants to meet you like a random stranger, get to know you like a damn good friend and finally live a lifetime together with all the marriage, kids and the romance and drama trouble stuff. But if she never finds you, I want her to be happy with just who she really is. Because the REAL Happiness comes from inside to share with whoever is outside. 

Happiness means being happy with yourself and enjoying loneliness so you can be the best company to share a cup of coffee, a glass of wine and a piece of TIME.  

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